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  • Writer's pictureanonymous woman

I was using a mainstream dating app with it set to "women-only" and it was mostly men. Lesbian apps seem even more overrun with men than mainstream apps.

Someone with one picture popped up, his bio did not mention he was trans and he passed for a biological woman in that photo. It said he lived on campus and I talked to him, thinking he was a woman. Because it's a small campus and I thought he was a woman, I invited him over my dorm to hang out. I would never invite a man I didn't know over to where I live before meeting him in a public space first. He showed up and my fight or flight went off, but because of all the stigma around rejecting transwomen and worry for my own safety if he reacted badly I let him in. We hung out for a while, talking and playing video games, before he turned to me and told me he was trans as if I didn't know. He eventually left after I repeatedly tried to hint that I wanted him to without offending him but it took a long time.

The way I was put in a position where I felt like I had to let a man I didn't know into my dorm in case he couldn't handle rejection shows that men pretending to be women on dating apps is putting women in vulnerable positions they otherwise wouldn't be in, and the social stigma around rejecting transwomen makes it worse. My school is small and I was worried about social fallout if he decided I had been mean to him, and I was also worried about my own safety.


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