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  • Writer's pictureanonymous woman

I have been really sympathetic towards the experiences of transgender people and as supportive as anyone can be; a member of my own family is struggling with gender identity issues. I wish nobody any harm, but things are heading somewhere that I am very uncomfortable about, and women-only spaces (which in certain situations, are entirely appropriate) and a woman's right to even decide who and what she is attracted to is being made out to be hateful. This cannot be right and it makes me really scared and sad.

I am a heterosexual woman in her twenties and sit on the left of the political spectrum, and in a conversation with friends, expressed that I would personally not be "into" sex with a transgender man, because I am attracted to men who... well... look like men. We are close friends, so I was not "cancelled" or anything, but they all immediately began aggressively over-affirming that trans men are men whatever they may look like; so I went quiet and will say no more about it. As far as I am concerned, it is fine for them to have sex with who they like, but I am not into vaginas on men personally... no more than I am into them on other women!

While we need to be understanding and inclusive there are certain spaces, my personal sexual desires and right to realise them, for example, where my right to say "no thank you" matters. And since it is rude to ask a trans person what their genitalia looks like (I do think it is rude and intrusive by the way), how do we move forward respectfully and reasonably in situations like this? I am at a complete loss and am quite honestly exhausted by it all.


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