I have a different perspective on trans women because I was sexually assaulted by a trans woman during a massage in Thailand years ago. She was dressed in female clothing, spoke in a soft, high pitched voice and I thought she was a biological female as she came in the room. I explicitly asked for a female masseuse, as always. She had given me a great massage until her foot started rubbing my crotch aggressively. I shockingly realized “she” was a biological male rubbing my vulva in a foreign country and I’m now all alone with him in the building. I actually thought to my young 20 something self “is this a normal Thai massage?!!” (I’m not presumptive when i truly don’t know!) Better to just pay and get out.
Yeah, that’s what happened - I paid someone to physically violate me. I never thought of the situation as “I was assualted by a trans woman”. In my mind, I thought I had been assaulted by a man- until recently. JK Rowling said “trans women are not women” and I was genuinely confused. Was this a debate? Was I assaulted by a woman? If I’m looking for a new gynecologist do I need to specify if this female doctor is a biological female or biological male who identifies as female - I think the question is fair enough given what I’d been through.
I have zero problems whatsoever with trans people. They are deserving of all the love and compassion each human being is capable of giving and receiving... no less, no more. Ever since my experience in Thailand I will always be keenly aware that trans women are not women. I think in certain situations and settings, if it matters to my health and well-being, then the biological facts should be transparent and truthful, within reason. Trans women have immutable biological characteristics that could compromise the physical safety and well-being of a biological female, whether this be in a competitive athletic environment or a massage parlor. These facts must be acknowledged by the LBGTQ community and the general population so these safety nets can be put in place for biological females. This does not mean I want trans people to be discriminated against or treated unfairly at all, but there are instances when I need to know if the person providing me treatment (or that I’m in close physical contact with) is a biological female or male. That’s what my lived experience has taught me.
I hope this has shed a broader view of what I see, and, perhaps, what many other biological females see. Love, compassion, and facts, supported by current scientific understanding, are the ingredients needed to provide everyone in society with peace of mind, with the understanding that science is always evolving and changing. Let’s be open, let’s listen to each other, and let’s find real world solutions. Blurring the definitions of biological females and trans females is the wrong path for humanity, as I see it, and dangerous for biological females like me, full stop.