canadian women's shelter

Years ago I dated a man who turned out to be very narcissistic and entitled. I broke up with him because over time I realized these things, and he became more rude and started asking for sexual acts I was not comfortable doing.

We live in a small Canadian town with 1 women’s shelter. I know several women who have used the home over the years. They have a confidentiality agreement, but of course when something happens that they need to talk about, there’s no stopping it.

I found out from 2 separate women that my ex-boyfriend now identies as a woman and lived in the women’s shelter for months. He made so many women uncomfortable by being loud with his deep voice, constantly talking about himself and his planned transition (he was still entirely, obviously, male), and talking about how “nowhere in town would do a bikini wax on male genitals.” One of the women said that his story didn’t sound like he even needed the women’s shelter; it sounded like he was there for the convenience of not paying rent and using their resources. There were likely other behaviours I never heard about.

Any women who complained would be called problematic and kicked out of the “women’s” shelter for transphobia. No woman could refuse to share a bedroom with him.

There was zero support from staff because they had to side with the 1 male over all the women. To do otherwise meant they would lose their job. They never asked any of the women how this impacted their experience at the shelter. Some women were worried their abusive ex-boyfriends would start identifying as women to get access to them; there was no safeguarding policy against this, and anyone using the shelter did not have to provide ID.

I, and many other women who heard about this, decided to never use our women’s shelter. It’s no longer safe for women.

#canada #womensshelter #safeguarding #safety #privacy #entitlement

coegee rockpool baths

The Coogee Rockpool women's baths have existed for many decades. They offer women-only change rooms, sunning areas and a rockpool entirely used by women, but because it is run by the Coogee Council it is now threatened by being open to transwomen. That would stop many elderly, non-western, disabled etc. women using this pool. I certainly would no longer use that unique facility, as an elderly female-born human being. I am extremely angry, because there is no media or any other publicity to help women protest againt this take-over.

#australia #sydney #coegeebeach #rockpools #womensbaths #swimming #privacy

sexual assault trauma & the security of single-sex spaces

A few years ago while at university my male neighbor followed me into my apartment under the guise of casual chit-chat about a shared professor, and once we were inside he cornered me and groped me. I’d walked home in part to use the restroom since I was on my period and had no tampons left in my bag. I kept talking to him to feel more in control and was eventually able to convince him I really needed to return to campus for a class. I did not visit my own bathroom while home because I was very afraid of what would happen if I pulled my pants down, or gave him much time to think without talking. I walked back to campus with him, blood soaking into my underwear, needing to urinate so badly it hurt. When we finally parted ways I was shaking so hard, and went to a top floor locking single user bathroom because he was walking around the building still. I stayed in that building in a classroom where a couple others were working on projects until a friend walked me back to my place after about 4 hours. Ever since this experience I’ve avoided mixed-sex bathrooms when at all possible because the act of pulling down my pants to pee makes me feel vulnerable when before it did not. I want trans-women to be able to relieve themselves, but I also feel I deserve to feel safe while doing the same in public spaces. Female-only spaces need to remain protected.

#unitedstates #sexualassault #safety #privacy #security #university #universitycampus