self-defence course for women

In 2012 or so I partook in a course of self-defense for women. Everyone involved was female and it created that special safe, open atmosphere that you only have when only women are in the room. Several women opened up about their past experiences with sexual assault, including one teenager who tearfully told us about her cousin raping her when she was 14.

Years later in 2018 I decided to take another such course to refresh my knowledge. On the first day of the course I discovered that there was a trans-identified male among the participants. I had never before been confronted with any trans people or topics so I went along with it despite my immediate discomfort. It was a large rather bulky man in his 40s who wore strong makeup, a skirt and high heels - the only person who had not dressed appropriately for a day full of physical exercises.

I later privately asked the course leader to not pair me up with him in anything and she agreed though she was clearly taken aback by me asking. Over the 3 days of the course, the atmosphere was tense and uncomfortable, and none of the women talked about their private experiences or really talked much at all. When the course leader was talking about statistics of male violence and such, this man made a sad face & kept nodding along as if he had any idea about it all. He was also the only one apparently unaware of the tense atmosphere his presence created as he kept laughing and trying to start conversations with the women.

Overally there was a clear difference in atmosphere and comfort between the two courses I had experienced. While there was no explicit mention of the course being for 'cis' women only, it was clearly advertised as being for women, and any trans-identified male with common sense or respect for women would surely understand that this means they should not be present in such a female space.

#germany #selfdefence #selfdefencecourse #falseadvertising #comfort #respite

non-man-identifying prizes for fiction writing

The UK's 'Women's prize for fiction' is open to anyone who 'identifies' as a woman, as is the Stella Prize in Australia. I'm not sure if this is for political or legal reasons.

These prizes are meant to give women an opportunity to get income and publicity in a male-dominated culture and industry.

Affirmative action literally cannot work for women if males can simply 'identify' themselves into such opportunities.

Why are women being abused for objecting to this? (Currently a trans woman is shortlisted for the UK's prize.) To object to this is not to take an anti-trans stance, but to assert a pro-female stance in an anti-female patriarchy.

These prizes can, of course, do what they like, especially if they are privately funded. But perhaps they should stop promoting themselves as women's prizes. They are, in reality, "non-man-identifying prizes." It would be much clearer and more honest if they simply promoted themselves as such. Is "woman" merely a marketing strategy now?

#australia #unitedkingdom #literaryprizes #womensprizes #thearts #writing #literature

discussing sex & dating with gender identity activists

I have been really sympathetic towards the experiences of transgender people and as supportive as anyone can be; a member of my own family is struggling with gender identity issues. I wish nobody any harm, but things are heading somewhere that I am very uncomfortable about, and women-only spaces (which in certain situations, are entirely appropriate) and a woman's right to even decide who and what she is attracted to is being made out to be hateful. This cannot be right and it makes me really scared and sad.

I am a heterosexual woman in her twenties and sit on the left of the political spectrum, and in a conversation with friends, expressed that I would personally not be "into" sex with a transgender man, because I am attracted to men who... well... look like men. We are close friends, so I was not "cancelled" or anything, but they all immediately began aggressively over-affirming that trans men are men whatever they may look like; so I went quiet and will say no more about it. As far as I am concerned, it is fine for them to have sex with who they like, but I am not into vaginas on men personally... no more than I am into them on other women!

While we need to be understanding and inclusive there are certain spaces, my personal sexual desires and right to realise them, for example, where my right to say "no thank you" matters. And since it is rude to ask a trans person what their genitalia looks like (I do think it is rude and intrusive by the way), how do we move forward respectfully and reasonably in situations like this? I am at a complete loss and am quite honestly exhausted by it all.

#unitedkingdom #sex #dating #genitals #sexualorientation #attraction