dormitory bathrooms

I go to a STEM-focused university somewhere in the states. Being STEM-focused, about only 20% of the student population is female. As a result, there are no female-only dorms or floors. I was always in a co-ed dorm. Students are required to live on campus for 1-2 years due to scholarship status. I had to live in the dorms for 2 years, but thankfully no longer. Either way, I still was impacted. During my freshman year after winter break, signs went up in all bathrooms that pretty much said "does someone look like they belong (as in transgender people)? They do belong! Don't stare at them or question them, because that's offensive!" It came off as rather threatening, honestly. I was rather annoyed with these signs, but I didn't have any actual issues until my sophomore year. Sophomore year, one of the RAs on my floor was a transgender identified male, he identified as a woman. So of course, he shared the women's restroom and showers with us. Fortunately, in this building the showers were in separate little rooms with locks. However, this RA would always knock on the door to these showers and then would immediately open it before listening for a response. Even if he heard the shower going! Many women did not lock their doors, so I knew multiple who were victims of this happening. However unfortunately, the other female students still treated him as a "woman," even though he walked in on them showering. After hearing this happen to some friends, I was quite scared to go into the showers and bathrooms. I always locked the doors, but he was an RA, so he could theoretically open it if he wanted because he had keys. Overall, it was an unsafe situation. I no longer live in the dorms, but I have a feeling it will get worse. I feel horrible for all future women who have to live in dorms.

#unitedstates #dormitorybathrooms #universitycampus #showers #sexualharassment

rapist in lesbian spaces & events

last year a male trans-identfified person started attending social events I was organising. he claimed he was a trans butch lesbian. he attempted to latch onto me and through our conversations (I wanted to be kind and inclusive) I learned more about his identity that troubled me: he didn't identify as a woman but insisted he wasn't a man. he had no genital dysphoria and ensured he was still sexually active. he lied to doctors to get estrogen, but just enough to grow breasts. he prefers he/him pronouns and a male name and presenting entirely masculine as he gets 'dysphoric' otherwise. despite all of this he insists his experience is that of a butch lesbian and that our community is where he belongs, without question. and he was very quick to frame any confusion about all of this as transphobic. I noticed he was quite misogynistic and I reacted against this a couple of times - a reaction which he framed as abusive to him. of particular note is him standing over me in my own home, after I had cooked and fed him dinner, yelling at me about what a terrible, harmful person I am for the way I reacted to misogyny in the community. a terf. I sat there and cowered because I was too afraid of further escalation to name the gaslighting (not to mention profound disrespect and cruelty) that was going on.

finally, in the lead up that confrontation, he had presented himself as having been the victim of false accusations of rape and the victim of a witch hunt in his former city's community. but as he revealed the details of this story that same night I realised with horror that he absolutely HAD committed rape (of a trans woman no less!) and was trying to pass it off as something more 'nuanced', as he claimed. something I have experienced many rapists doing in trying to absolve themselves of responsibility. after I asked him to leave subsequent to his attacking me, I investigated further into his past as the communities between these cities are linked, and found out his predatory behaviour was serial. I expressed my confusion and distress anonymously on a reddit sub, which he found. we had a charged exchange in which I named him as a rapist and detailed his manipulation and distortions about it. I later found out he had gone on to commit rape here as well since relocating from his former city. in this instance it was a gnc woman, and he repeatedly forced her to say she was 'really a boy' throughout the experience. relatedly, he was also in the butchlesbian subreddit pontificating about how gnc women should all identify as trans and it was denying reality to claim otherwise. the agenda was so obvious it made my stomach turn.

I was to be on the guest list of a recent event celebrating butch identity where I live. I had assisted the organisers with contacts. he was to be walking the runway of this event. the week before the event the organisers contacted me saying the reddit post (again - anonymous) had made them aware I held views which could be damaging to their brand as a safe, inclusive event and they could not have me on the guest list. I asked them if having a rapist on their stage would damage their brand. these two women replied they would not get involved in a personal conflict. when I pointed out that they already had and were excluding a lesbian from a lesbian event in favour of a rapist, they claimed the call was not productive and ended it - though I did tell them to go to hell before hanging up.

I am now left facing the sordid reality that a lesbian - a participating member of my local community for close to 20 years - was blocked from a lesbian event because an abusive male weaponised identity politics against her, whilst leveraging bogus claims of shared identity to coerce women into sex with him, either through intoxication or intimidation. or both. all the while telling everyone around him that they're transphobic for objecting to any of this. that he recruited other women into discriminating against a woman who knew too much about his true nature and intentions amongst us. that he is protecting himself behind crocodile tears about his own feelings and pain, like he hasn't devastated the lives of several women through sheer hate and a sense of entitlement towards us. my only solace is knowing the word about him is circulating and most are distancing themselves. I can only hope this ideological cult crumbles soon. people like this are clearly a danger to women.

[*Moderator's note: this post has been edited from the original by its author, to include more detail].

#australia #rapist #lesbianspaces #lesbianevents #transcrime

pole dancing studio

A pole dancing class made for exotic and more sexual dance styles, we had separate classes for women and men, but an autistic man who decided he was a woman was placed into our class. He was always paired with the other girls and was always handsy, creepy and just uncomfortable to be around but we were told to 'be nice and more understanding'. I refused to let my boundaries be so clearly disrespected and left the studio. I have not pole danced since.

#australia #poledancestudio #dancing #dance