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No Conflict, They SAid

In Australia and around the world, legislation is being introduced that replaces sex with gender identity. Advocates insist that there is no conflict of interest. But governments are not collecting data on the impacts of this legislative change. We're worried about the impacts on women of men using women-only spaces, including but not limited to: changing rooms, fitting rooms, bathrooms, shelters, rape and domestic violence refuges, gyms, spas, sports, schools, accommodations, hospital wards, shortlists, prizes, quotas, political groups, prisons, clubs, events, festivals, dating apps, and language. If we can't collect data, we can at least collect stories. Please tell us how your use of women-only spaces has been impacted. All stories will be published anonymously. If you know of other women who have been impacted, please encourage them to tell their stories too.

This site is run from Australia, New Zealand members of the LGB Defence, and Speak Up for Women, supported by LGB Alliance.

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  • @ConflictSaid

While working in community care, I visited a female transgender person. She wore football clothes, had a male name and had short boy hair. Apart from that, she looked, walked and talked like a female. She made a comment that she found me sexually attractive. During work hours, I would be unhappy for a male client to say this, and I felt even more uncomfortable with a female who believes she is a man saying it to me. As this transgender person has been female in the past, you would think she would remember what it feels like for a male to objectify her without seeking consent, and now that she is apparently a male, would refrain from doing that in her new male life. Her mother was there. She looked embarrassed but also amused.


I changed employer, not because of this reason but because of another. While working for this employer, I met a transgender man in a nursing home. I wasn't quite sure if he was transgender or not at first because I was standing across the room, but his face certainly looked unusual. I had to walk past him to get to another resident.


With a friendly smile and voice, he said, "Hi my name is (female name). I'm transgender, but I'm not wearing my paraphernalia today."


I thought that was a strange way to start a conversation with a stranger. I never say, "Hi my name's ____. I'm a heterosexual female" when I meet people. I also thought it was strange he called it paraphernalia and that he didn't wear it every day. I'm a female and I've never worn paraphernalia in my life. I am a female every day by birth not by clothing/make-up on days that I choose to be female.


Fortunately, I was not assigned to this man that shift, so I didn't have to help him dress but the thought of dressing a man in female underwear and make-up was very upsetting to me. I have avoided being involved in this man’s care by telling my employer a lie.


Another trans-identifying man I met was wearing a non-sexual female top and skirt. He had a menacing look in his eye and a menacing demeanour and every part of him besides his clothes were masculine (face, shoulders, hips, arms, legs, voice, walk, talk). Fortunately, once again, he was not assigned to me, but the thought of having to dress him was very upsetting to me once again. I can’t keep lying to my boss to avoid dressing trans-identifying people (I’m quite sure you can get fired for telling your boss lies), but every day I live in fear that I will be assigned to his care.


I rang a discrimination/human rights organisation to ask if there is a way I can honestly avoid dressing trans-identifying men in women’s clothing. They said they couldn't help me and gave me the number to another organisation who gave me the number to another organisation until I received the number for the first organisation. I'm quite sure one of those organisations put me on fake hold while they pretended to be reviewing with their team about what could be done about my situation. So, I sent an email to a union about the situation saying if I join your union, could you help me with this situation? They said they couldn't give me an answer until I had joined. So, I paid a couple of hundred-dollar membership fees to join. Then they said they couldn't help me. I felt like I'd been robbed.


Once my membership renewal came up the next year, I ticked that I didn't want to renew my membership. They sent me a perky email asking me why and if there was anything they could do to improve their service. I told them they hadn't been able to help me with my transgenderism problem. They sent an abrupt reply saying, okay, don't worry about renewing with us.


#NoSelfID #Australia

While working in community care, I dressed a transgender man's wound at his townhouse. I always had to go alone. The wound was on his back, right where your shirt and pants meet, but he was always more naked than necessary. When I arrived at his house, he was always wearing just a dressing gown, and the dressing gown was always open at the front. His dressing gown had to be pulled sideways so I could dress the wound which left his bum exposed when it didn't need to be. It was obvious he enjoyed having me see his surgically altered genitals when I didn't need to see them. Some trans widows say their transgender partners have a gleam in their eye. I also noticed that this man has that gleam in his eyes.


He had awards in his townhouse for women's sports competitions that he had won. He would point them out and emphasise they were women's events. He found that amusing.


I have seen him in public. He is aged in his fifties but wears very short skirts. Young women often wear short skirts, but older women have usually outgrown that. When he is dressed like this in public, he appears elated but the family member he is with appears very embarrassed. It’s sad that he doesn’t care if his family are embarrassed, although I have noticed some family members find his way of being amusing.


I wanted to tell my employer that I didn’t feel comfortable seeing this man alone and that I thought his behaviour was concerning, but while working for this company, a pro-gay marriage nurse said she wanted to produce a pamphlet about STDs homosexual men are prone to so we can educate our homosexual clients on how to protect themselves. The staff at that meeting, who had always seemed to be good friends with her, shouted her down.


The staff member who wanted to produce the leaflet was also one rung above the staff members who shouted her down. That doubly surprised me because with other issues, when you disagree with someone who is superior to you in the company, you tell them tactfully and with lots of respect, and if you can't change their mind, you just do what they say, keeping your reservations to yourself.


Another incident that stopped me from speaking up is one time I told a staff member that she needed to bring more dressings with her because he was running out. She said, “SHE. ” This transgender man has sewn-on breasts and a fake vagina but still looks, walks and talks like a man. When a transgender man still looks like a man, it’s hard to remember to use female pronouns.


#NoSelfID #Australia

  • anonymous woman

A revered, well-known trans ‘woman’; & often engaged public speaker on topics of gender and LGB health, made what I consider to be inappropriate (and high-risk behaviour) remarks online; which I called out. To then be, through my own actions labelled a TERF.

In the PVAW* field in which I have worked for over 35 years, I came under fire and wore the brunt of this label causing me great distress. (Since quit my job)

The Incident.

During Covid lockdown #1 in Naarm/Melbourne, this person stated on social media, that the two male dates that had been lined up that night, for sex, had cancelled due to their wives finding out. This trans woman (and social media friends) thought it was hilarious.

I felt compelled to remark, on the social media post that this behaviour was: disrespectful to these men’s wives, high risk during a Covid lockdown and the behaviour was exactly the type of stereotypical promiscuous behaviour of men (as opposed to women - referring to this person’s gender identity). The type of behaviours women have been fighting to challenge forever.

Needless to say, what transpired after this was not only this person’s wrath but then to be regarded by colleagues (those who knew) as a ‘transphobe’. Gender critical discussions are taboo in the PVAW and gender equity workforces. (* PVAW stands for Preventing Violence Against Women) #Melbourne #FreeSpeech #Misogyny

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